Fishcake, Private Eye
by SUFF
Summary: Murder after murder... Are Tsunade and her minions going to successfully solve the mystery before the lunch break? ONESHOT


Disclaimer:

SUFF does not own Naruto or the characters, even though we're married to most of the ninjas.

Notes:

This is written by Seren with some assistance of Kaz, watch out for our randomness! We are the first ones to use SUFF's fanfiction account... More cool-dude-points to us!

Translated by Kaz

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Tsunade had her typical detective's hat covering most of her face and rested her cheek on her hands, as she gazed upon the people who had gathered in the very cramped area called her office.

"This case is mine! BELIEVE IT!" Naruto shouted and pointed to the pretty fish-bowl and the very shocked fish in it, that apparently wasn't used to being pointed at.

Tsunade muttered:

"Naruto, the fish is not the case."

Naruto continued to shout:

"Nah, I know, it's the fishybowl... BELIEVE IT!" This comment resulted in that he got a punch in the head by Sakura.

"Idiot!" The rest of them could only agree to it.

"We'll return to the subject", Tsunade said with a sigh and continued. "We have a murder to investigate." she said with her most dramatic voice while the hat shadowed her face.

"BELIEVE IT", shouted Naruto, which irritated Shizune and he ended up with Tonton in his mouth.

"And there goes the atmosphere... How troublesome", Shikamaru mumbled.

A few blocks away, in the dark slum, sat the evil detectives' office and planned. Unfortunately it had no members, and it gets boring in the long run to sit and listen to the doors talk about evacuation route signs, so we'll move on.

At the crime scene laid logically the victim. Sasuke had deserved his destiny, thought the murderer and many, many mora. This day would come to be called the Great Liberation Day, and all Anti-Sasukeists were free from their schools to celebrate with cake and ice-cream (and glittery streamers, what did you think?)

Sakura (who really weren't in any of the'gangs', the good detectives or the evil, prosecutors, victims, witnesses, squealers or the guilty) jumped down from Kakashi's back that didn't have anything to do there either.

"SASUKE!" Naruto yelled and trew himself at him, which everyone else followed and they become a big böghög (Lit. "gay-pile). (Errr... I don't think there's any translation for that. xD)

"Te he he he" sounded a laughter very similar to Misha of Pita Ten's, but that is another story so we'll ignore it totally and go on to the question. Who was it that sounded that much like Misha and not followed the others onto the böghög??

Temari walked past the böghög with an evil smile on her face and Kankuro's doll in a bag on her bag. It twitched mysteriously.

Once more the Anti-Sasukeist Temari laughed like Misha. The doll tried to laugh too, but failed fatally. Anyway, people started to move away from the squished remains of Sasuke and wiped away the dust from their clothes.

"A dead bastard, let's celebrate" Kabuto smiled happily and got most of the people's looks onto him.

"What are you doing here... how troublesome" Shikamaru sighed.

"Exactly, you have no purpose in this story. BELIEVE IT!" Naruto shouted while he got a look from Kakashi who said;  
"Well-done-you-managed-to-discover-the-undiscoverable!"

"I didn't kill Sasuke!" Kabuto defended himself.

"I know, and therefore you have no reason to be here! BELIEVE IT" Meanwhile, the author of this weird mess starts to poke away the keys off the keyboard so that she won't be able to spell "Believe it" anymore.

"Don't you know?" Kabuto's voice suddenly got solemn. "I'm a squealer, you're not MWAHAHAHA!!" This statement made three new people appear into this story. Behind Kabuto, Hinata, Gai and Kankuro's doll emerged.

"That's not a person!" Sakura exclaimed and glared at the authours who laughed nervously. 

The doll had obviously lost its ability of speech (Which it never had from the beginning, but to create some atmosphere, let's pretend it had)

"Sa-sa……. Sa-sa..s…sa-s….sas…uke……" Hinata stammered while noone had any idea of what she was trying to say. Kankuro's doll suddenly disappeared, even if this was not the case, as it was just mashed to death by a new random character with cool hair.

"Don't bully Kankuro's doll!" Jiraiya shouted from his throne on top of Gamabunta's head.

"You're..." Kakashi started.

"The leader of the squealers!" Kabuto exclaimed, kneeled and started to bow hysterically.

"Kankuro's doll has betrayed him and entered the squealers' union, also known as GLOMP!"

All the characters who had existed from the beginning of the story stared at the new.

"Kankuro's doll has something important to say", while all non-dead people waited for the doll to make its statement that never came, another murder was commited, which was going to be the third, and if you as a reader now think that you've missed out the second murder and must carefully read the part of the story you skipped because it was getting too random , you are wrong.

It's just us authours who overslept and couldn't show the sign which was supposed to be in the lower left corner of the keyboard, but three murders have actually been committed.

The authours got an enormous bomb as a christmas gift from Naruto, who thought we took up too much space in the story to be authours, who we all know are not supposed to be here.

Jiraiya seemed to become more and more irritated until he took the water hose and flushed Kankuro's doll away from the story.

"What I was about to say is that him there..." points to Gai. "...Killed Sasuke with his 'nice-guy-pose' which we all know isn't that 'nice'". By these words, Naruto ran up to Gai and pulled his hair.

"I'm gonna arrest you and everyone are going to admit what a great detective I am, BELIEVE IT!" Naruto grinned before Gai disappeared in a puff of smoke,

"NOOO WAAAAAY!!! He disappeared, BELIEVE IT!" said a sad Naruto before he collapsed crying on the ground.

Kabuto laughed at Naruto maturely.

"Naruto-kun, I don't think you have the time to cry... The readers want to know who was killed in the second murder"

"Is another one dead?" Tsunade came running from nowhere.

"NARUTOOOOO!" she screamed madly.

"Tsunade-obaachan? YAY BELIEVE IT" Naruto screamed in shock.

"I'm very disappointed with you all, if another one is dead"

"Tsunade-sama.. we know who the guilty one is" Kakashi said with a smile.

"BELIEVE IT!" Naruto nodded importantly.

"Gai is capable of killing with his 'nice-guy-pose'", Sakura stated.

"How troublesome" Shikamaru sighed.

"GAI!" Tsunade screamed so loud that the trees trembled and the ground quaked. And out of the tree fell another body.

"Such a sad end for such a beautiful girl", Jiraiya said sadly about Tenten.

"Ero-sensei, what do you know about this? (BELIEVE IT)" Naruto asked slowly before he got another punch in his head.

"I'm a squealer in this story, you idiot!" Jiraiya screamed before he cleared his throat and started his speech.

"She committed suicide when she saw that somebody had copied her style" Everyone took a deep breath and sounded very schocked, and Shikamaru who had a very high IQ for looking like a pineapple thought trough everything.  
"Tenten has stuff on her head, stuff on her head, tufts, tufts Temari"

"AHA! That's it.. How troublesome" he screamed and jumped up very un-Shikamaru-ily.

"Huh?" Everybody else said.

"TEMARI!!... How troublesome" Shikamaru shouted.

"Are are, I think I'm busted", Temari giggled from up in a tree. "But she committed suicide, so you have nothing to blame me for" Before anyone else had the time to react, Temari had picked upp her enormous fan and launched an enormous wind towards the detectives and the squealers who went off to a remote island, which of course was in the Bermuda triangle, because as we all know that is where all remote islands are. 

Naruto was of course the first one to awaken.

"I SURVIVED! BELIEVE IT!" He shouted with all of his might and with such an amazing power that the Earth jumped out of its circulation track and Naruto saved the world by stopping the greenhouse effect. Instead it started to become damn cold.  
Suddenly, everyone sav Kankuro who sat and cried (!?) next to a snowman.

"Temari has killed somebody... and I'm as horrible myself", he cried, and Shikamaru who as we all know has an unnaturally high IQ asked:

"Have you killed anyone, Kankuro-kun? If that's the case, then it's really troublesome"

"AHA!!! All people who have the last name "Sabaku No" are evil... BELIEVE IT!" Naruto grinned naughtily and felt smart.

"Narutoooooo", Tsunade said. "Don't you know that Gaara is our super secret prosecutor?" (He stuffs the mouths of the defendants with sand, and as the prosecuted have nothing to say, so... well... (This, my friends, is the secret to success.))  
Before Naruto could answer, Sakura had punched him once again, and despite the person's name being Naruto and him having a super orange suit, there is a limit for how much beating he could take, so he simply fainted. (BELIEVE IT!) 

"I punctured Chouji with my poisonous needle... He was like, a balloon... He said 'pssssss'... Then he was just gone" Kankuro, who still was shocked about seeing a 300 feet tall guy shrinking with a loud 'pssssss'-noise before he completely disappeared, explained.

"How troublesome", Shikamaru told Sakura who was sending messages in bottles to the prosecutors.

"Anyway... We still have a problem" Kakashi smiled.

"What?" Tsunade sighed dejectedly.

"How are we getting off this island?"

"We don't, BELIEVE IT!" Naruto shouted as he poked an invisible barrier. Naruto who was supposed to be fainted apparently could survive one more attack, and the authour didn't get any plus points for her calculation of how many hits Naruto can take before he dies.

"Then, I think that we should have a party!" Jiraiya grinned and laughed evilly, glancing at Tsunade and Sakura. But to his horror, he discovered that everyone around him were sleeping.

"Okey... And with my power as a squealer I should reward them with telling them about the super-secret-exit-that-even-I-haven't-seen-but-know-perfectly-where-it-is-and-am-going-to-flee-through-it-now." And with those words, Jiraiya left the sleeping detectives and his subordinate Kabuto who was forced to live the rest of his life with nightmares about the words/sentence "BELIEVE IT" and "How troublesome".

As previously stated... Another normal and usual day at the Fish-cake's Detective Agency.

The end… BELIEVE IT!!!

Review...otherwise...we'll send the fillers at you!!


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